Darkness
by Selenity Jade
Summary: Complete. My first songfic so long ago. This one-shot revolves around Vejiita's thoughts just before he sacrifices himself to Buu, done to the lyrics of Darkness. Originally written in 2000.


Darkness  
Rated PG13  
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill. I am not Toriyama, or any of the people who own a part of this amazingly contradictory anime. Also, the song Darkness is not mine as well. It belongs to some amazing people who I have no clue who they are. I am only borrowing for the sake of this fic. (Yeah, lyrics sent to me, and totally missed out who did the darn song. ^_~)  
  
By: Selenity Jade (Jadesama@aol.com)  
  
Thanks: Parker for this amazing song. I miss you, buddy! W-chan for beta'ing it!   
  
Warning: This, while isn't canon correct, is a fic I had written before I watched the Buu Saga. I unfortunately can't bring myself to change it to fit canon. I feel… it is something that shows my progress as a writer. This was my first songfic, and while I have edited some parts again, I decided NOT to change the anime-contradictions. I felt… this is the way I would have done the episode where Vejiita blows up Buu. So… it stays.  
  
'The deal was rigged  
There's darkness in my soul  
I want to die again'  
  
Vejiita stared at his closed fist intently. He had allowed himself to be taken over by the darkness. He had allowed himself to destroy all those people. He frowned thoughtfully. What was worse, he had allowed himself to retreat to what he had been before he had come to this planet. He had become the monster he had been ten years ago who had destroyed entire planets, taken pleasure in the killing of millions and billions of living beings. He had reverted to the monster Furiza had created him to be. He had been the creature that would have killed a certain blue-haired onna without thought or remorse.  
  
He growled softly. He honestly wanted to believe that if his mate had shown herself to him that he wouldn't have hurt her, but he knew it was a very real possibility that he could have. And would have. The darkness inside had consumed everything, including the tiny bit of light she had shown him that he possessed, that tiny bit of his soul that wasn't tainted by the darkness of his heart. It would have been so easy to kill her then. Even with the feelings she invoked, he would have struck out at her. He would have struck out at her only because she represented something to him, something dangerous to the darkness inside of him.  
  
He looked up into the sky, the frown still present. He was thankful he hadn't had to see what she had looked like when he destroyed the stands. He was relieved he hadn't seen the look in her eyes when she realized he wasn't the man he had been these past seven years. Fortunately, he had come back to himself and she was alive. If she had been destroyed by his own hand, the very same hand that he had sworn to protect her with, it would have killed him. Or he hoped it would have. He wouldn't want to live after that. He would have taken his own life if he had to, but gods, he would not live if he had destroyed her with the very same darkness she had fought against for the past ten years.  
  
'An empty soul - shrouded in darkness  
Alone and confused - what am I?'  
  
He hadn't cared about anything before the fateful meeting with Kakarotto on this damn planet. He hadn't cared about anything but getting stronger and defeating the lizard who had controlled him for so long, and defeating the destroyer of his planet. He hadn't thought past getting revenge for what had been done to him and his people. That was what had mattered. He hadn't cared that he was just as monstrous as the creature he hated with his entire being. He hadn't cared that he killed just as many races as Furiza had. Nothing had mattered but his own rage, pain, and revenge. Absolutely nothing!  
  
Vejiita couldn't even remember one moment when he had doubted what he had been doing. He didn't think it ever crossed his mind to be anything but what he had been. Until he had arrived here and had met Kakarotto, and the Onna. They had spared his life. After he had been defeated, they had spared his life. And even then, he had felt nothing but scorn for the weaklings. They had been stupid for sparing his life, because he would have been back to destroy them.  
  
He chuckled softly to himself. Until Furiza had killed him and his rival had been the one to exact revenge for their race. He had found himself stuck on this miserable planet and staying with a loud, disrespectful, and amazingly beautiful female.  
  
It was then that he had started doubting. He had started to doubt himself. He had started to doubt his actions and his entire life. He had begun to spend most of his time alone, threatening everyone who had dared to disturb him. He had started doubting who he was. After his revenge had been denied him, as well as his birthright, he had been empty. His lifelong goal of defeating Furiza, had been gone. The beast had been beaten by a third-class warrior who had also done what he had dreamed of achieving himself since he had been a child. He had been completely empty then. His revenge had been gone. His drive to achieve strength had been destroyed. Everything he had thought worth living for had disappeared and he had been left empty.  
  
In disgust, he had watched those happy little Nameks stroll around the Onna's home. And somewhat jealously, he admitted to himself. They had still had a purpose in their lives. They had still had something to strive for. All he had been doing was waiting for a third-class idiot to show him how he had done what Vejiita had trained for his entire life. He remembered calling himself pathetic.  
  
'Images flash - memories jaded  
He took my life God damn his lies!'  
  
He had often dreamed while waiting for Kakarotto to be wished back. He had dreamed of his horrible childhood. He had been unable to understand after all those years why he had started dreaming then. He had been seeing flashes from his memories. Painful memories. Image upon image of his broken and battered body after the beatings he had endured because of Furiza. He had dreamed of his father, of his people. He had seen his training while he had been a boy. He had seen the faces of the people he had destroyed. Their fearful faces as he had killed every one of them. And he had dreamed of his first kill. The only one he had felt anything for. The one he had to kill in order to 'break' him. Break him so that Furiza could rule him. He had killed a tiny brat, his infant sister, at Furiza's order. He had killed his defenseless sister, because she had been worthless to Furiza as a female. The King hadn't even batted an eye as his son killed his only daughter with the heel of his boot. It was the only kill he regretted. Afterwards, killing had become much easier. Just as Furiza had wanted.  
  
Vejiita scowled as he stared up at the sky. Furiza had molded him into what he had wanted, and he hadn't even fought it. He had thought Furiza was right, despite his hatred for the monster. He had believed that caring was a weakness. That emotion was only for the weak. That the strong deserved to rule, while the weak deserved to die. He had believed all of that. That monster had taken him when he had been a boy and had created a beast who had been feared by billions, and he had allowed it. He had taken his life away from him, and Vejiita hadn't even realized it until long after that same monster had been killed.  
  
'Fight! Son of the damned - bring down the heavens  
Smash in the gates - burn 'em down!'  
  
And he had let himself be controlled by that darkness again. He had allowed it entry into his dark soul without a fight. He had destroyed the light *she* had created within him, without a single thought. For what? Nothing but the absence of pain and the joy of killing once again. He had let himself go back into the darkness for nothing more than power. He had done it for that very power he had strove for his entire life and with his entire being. He had accepted it because he hadn't wanted to feel the pain that continued to haunt him and wanted to instead take joy in his past actions once again.  
  
Why had he come back to himself now? His heart, the very same heart he had thought died when he was a child, clenched painfully. He had often cursed the new feelings he had found soon after they had begun to plague him. He had fought the light growing within him with everything he had. He had fought with a strength he hadn't known he had possessed. He had fought them until he hadn't been able to fight them any longer. Then, he had simply denied they had existed, denied them fiercely, even within his own mind.  
  
He smirked softly. He had fought them, he had denied them, but in the end, she had won out and he had grudgingly begun to allow them some freedom. And before he had known what had happened, they had taken over his dark heart and he had realized he had been doomed to lose long before the fight had ever started.  
  
'You must accept - the fate that you've chosen  
You will obey - your destiny!'  
  
She had once told him his pride would destroy him. She was wrong. His pride wouldn't destroy him. His pride was beaten. Beaten by her. He had fought valiantly against it. Fought to keep his pride, the one thing Furiza had never been able to take from him and it had turned out fate had indeed had a plan for that stubborn pride of his. To be defeated by a weak onna he could destroy with a thought.  
  
He chuckled silently. The damn female confused him. She was always yelling at him, cursing him, and insulting him. Then there were moments she was caring for him, talking to him, and looking after him. She could change moods so fast it made his head spin. He had once thought she was completely insane. She wasn't; she was simply female.  
  
He didn't know when she had decided she cared for him, but sometime after his rival had returned, the foolish onna had started caring for him. And damn if she hadn't conquered him. Her constant presence and the way she cared about him had chipped away at his pride. The pride that kept the feelings he had finally admitted to himself inside. If he had known she would do something that stupid, he would have killed her before she had had the chance. But he had been as arrogant as ever and before he had known what happened, he had taken her and made her his.  
  
'I! cheated myself for love  
Love – unconditional'  
  
At first, all he had felt for the onna was a vague sense of caring and an incredible lust that had damn near driven him insane. It hadn't exactly been planned, but when he had taken her, he never once regretted it. He had wanted her for quite a while before he had given into his desires. He smirked almost tenderly at the memory. The damn female had decided to butt into his training again and they had another argument. He loved arguing with her. It was incredibly humorous and one of the only things he had begun to look forward to on his first few months on this planet. The argument had become heated and she had slapped him.  
  
He knew she had expected him to be angry, but to her surprise, he had smiled. Not a smirk, but a real actual smile and he had then pushed her against the wall. He remembered teasing her about killing her, the smile never having left his face. She had been staring at him nervously, but she had continued to hurl insults at him. So, he had decided to shut her up. And he had. With a kiss. One kiss and before he had realized what had happened, they were yanking each other's clothes off frantically and fucking on the floor of his gravity room. That little incident began their relationship, if you could have called it that. All they had done was have sex. Everywhere and all the time. Every night, in his room or hers. On the couch, dining room table, at meals, on her desk in the lab, in his gravity room, in the shower, on the floor, counter, the front lawn. Hell, they had even done it on the ceiling a few times. He had cared for her, didn't want to hurt her, and she was his, even if she hadn't realized it at that time, but he hadn't felt much more.  
  
The day he had realized he had began to fall for her was one of the most profound memories he had. He had been training in the gravity chamber and she had been off working in her office. He had been frustrated that his concentration was off and her face had kept floating into his mind. He had finally gave up and went to her office, figuring on a quickie and get her out of his system for a while. He had opened her office door to find her staring at the window thoughtfully, a beautiful smile on her face. She hadn't noticed him, so he had continued to watch her. He had then realized she was absolutely stunning. He had known she was beautiful, but he had never really paid much attention to it. He had wanted her and she had turned him on, but he had never really thought about exactly how beautiful she was until then. He then had thought back to the last time he had injured himself and how scared she had been that he would die. He had then realized that what she felt for him was more than mere attraction and lust. She really, truly, cared for him. A lot. He had woken up silently, took the surprised female into his arms, and kissed her. Tenderly, with no thought to his lust. Just to kiss her. It was then that it had hit him. He wanted her. Not just her body. He wanted her heart.  
  
'Now - just to see her face  
I've lost it all!'  
  
Then came something he never had expected. Something he still hadn't told her. Love. He grimaced. He loved his little blue-haired minx. That realization had hit him hard and Vejiita had to admit, he hadn't taken it well.   
  
He had gotten her with a brat, purposely despite what she might have thought. He did it because she wanted a brat. She wanted a family and he actually for some damned reason had cared what she wanted. He hadn't really cared about a family, but because she had once told him she would like a brat, he had given her one. If he had died with the androids, he hadn't wanted to leave her alone in that future. So, he had given her a brat. He smirked at that memory. She had cursed him for days for 'accidentally' getting her pregnant. Then when she had gotten over that, she had been happy. More happy than he had ever seen her. And it had been because of him. He had put up with the mood swings, the bizarre cravings, everything, with minimal complaint. It had been, after all, his own fault. She had grown big and despite her insecurities, he had often made love to her. After he had admitted to caring for her, if only in his mind, he could call it that then. It hadn't been love, but it hadn't been just sex either. And he had liked it better that way.  
  
When she had gone into labor, he had been there despite his better judgment. He had been there throughout the cursing, screaming, yelling, blood, goo, and nasty stuff that had come with it. He grimaced to himself as he continued to stare into the sky. Who knew having a brat could be so disgusting? His son had been born screaming his fool head off. Then his mate had done something that had caused his heart to stop and had made him realize how much he actually did care.   
  
She had stopped breathing. The damn onna had almost died. Vejiita couldn't remember much about that time. But he did remember what it had felt like. Like his heart had been ripped from his chest. He couldn't breath and to his shame, he had found tears filling his eyes. They never fell, the doctors had revived her, and she had begun to breath once again. It was then that he knew. He loved the weak human onna he had fathered a brat on.  
  
She told him what she named the lavender-haired brat he had sired. Trunks. He remembered grimacing at the name, and she had smirked at him. She had then told him it was Vejiita Trunks Briefs and that they would just call him Trunks. He had then smirked back at her, telling her the boy had better have his name. It was tradition after all. Vejiita had stayed until she fell asleep, his son on her breast, and her delicate, pale, cold hand in his larger one. He had got up and kissed her, only looking back at her once before leaving the room. And the hospital. And the planet.  
  
He had hoped to train and achieve his destiny. He would come back, destroy the androids, defeat Kakarotto, and then leave once again. Never to see her beautiful face again. He had found out he loved her and that had scared him. More than Furiza ever had. He was a coward and had known it.  
  
'I know there's goodness in me,  
Though I'm not the same'  
  
He looked towards the stands where the bodies of the innocents he had killed and felt his heart twist. He regretted their deaths. Now that his soul wasn't consumed in darkness, he saw everything he had been and done. Everything he had been so long ago, before he had known there was light within him. Before he had known there was goodness inside of him.  
  
He grimaced. He almost wished he could go back to whom he had been, to what he had been. Then, the pain of what he had done wouldn't plague his dreams, his soul. He wouldn't feel the agony of a million souls destroyed by his hand.  
  
His mate's deep blue eyes swam into his thoughts. Blue eyes that looked at him with betrayal and hatred. He winced. It wasn't true, not yet. He hadn't seen her yet, but he knew she was aware, and had seen it all. He only hoped she hadn't known exactly how much he had enjoyed it. But that look was what he would see soon. If he went home… Would she allow him to return? It hurt. There was goodness inside of him after all. The fool Onna had been right all this time and he had never even realized it.  
  
'I will defy the master,  
I will refuse to be his slave!'  
  
Vejiita growled and looked over to the hideously pink monster that stared at him. He would destroy him, he decided. For her. For her son. His son. He glanced at the boy and walked softly over to him. The boy looked up nervously, but stood his ground bravely. Vejiita let a ghost of a smirk cross his face. That was his son, proud and brave, like both of his parents. The boy's blue eyes, her blue eyes, regarded him as he approached.  
  
He would not let that monster destroy her home, her son's home, and his home. He refused to allow that thing to kill them. Vejiita would not aid the monster in destroying the onna who had defeated his pride and heart. He refused to aid him in destroying her, their son.  
  
He stopped in front of his son and watched the boy silently for a moment. He suddenly wrapped his arms around the boy in the first hug Vejiita had ever given him. He embraced his son silently before releasing the boy and looking down into his eyes. The very same eyes that had held him captive as they watched him for years. The very same eyes he had fallen in love with when they stared out at him from the face of the boy's mother.  
  
He then swung a hand down on the boy's neck, knocking him unconscious. Immediately after, Kakarotto's brat screamed at him, and he then punched the boy in the stomach. He stared down at their unconscious forms for a long moment. It was odd how young and innocent the boys appeared. He had never been so young.  
  
It was something he was proud of, although Vejiita was sure the others would laugh their ass off if they knew the train of his thoughts right then.  
  
He then glanced up at Piccolo. "Will I go to where Kakarotto is?" 'Will I go to heaven too?' He already knew the answer, though.  
  
Piccolo regarded him silently for a moment. "I do not know."  
  
'No! I was betrayed - I can't accept this  
My future's unclear - it's a lie!'  
  
He turned away, and walked purposely towards the pink being that was threatening the planet. The planet he had called home for the past ten years. Where his mate and son lived. He would destroy that monster, with every last bit of energy in his body. He would kill that thing even if it cost him his life. It would die.  
  
He didn't know if he would return to hell or not. Kami knew he deserved it after the lives he had taken. He felt a wave of fear flow through him and he nearly faltered. He never wanted to return there. He still had nightmares about it from when he had died on Namek. He feared going back there. A part of him hoped this last act would absolve him, but doubted that the lives of one planet would outweigh the lives of all the others he had destroyed.  
  
He made his way steadily closer to Buu, his steps steady. It didn't matter. Buu threatened his mate and his son. If he had to spend all of eternity in hell, never to be reunited with the blue-haired female he loved, so be it. She would be granted a place in heaven, he knew. It was a place he didn't belong and even in the afterlife, he would never again see his mate. He felt an overwhelming sadness as these thoughts flowed through his mind, but he didn't falter again. Most of his life had been a lie, his course wrong. But for the first time, he knew he was doing the right thing.  
  
'I'll follow my heart - stand and be counted  
The curse will lift - I will survive!'  
  
He may spend an eternity in hell, tortured for those lives he had stolen while under Furiza's control, but at least he would go out doing something *right* for once. Something he could be proud of. Something others, *she*, would be proud of. That his son could be proud of. He smiled softly.  
  
His life might be over, but in a way, he would live on. He had never thought of it before, but when he had hoped to find immortality here, he had never dreamed he would find it this way. He had never dreamed he would live on through his son and through her. This was a better immortality for him. For what need did he have to live forever when his mate couldn't have shared it with him? It was better this way.  
  
And for the first time, Vejiita wasn't angry for failing in his mission for the dragonballs all those years ago.  
  
'I! cheated myself for love  
Love! Unconditional'  
  
He smirked at Buu. He loved his mate; he could admit that now. Loved her more than he valued his own life. Loved her more than he feared Hell. He loved her. And he loved his son.  
  
'Now! just to see her face  
I've lost it all.'  
  
Her face swam into his thoughts and he smiled at the being in front of him. All was not lost. He would sacrifice everything, just as his rival had against Cell. Something he only now understood. He didn't do it to protect this planet. He did it to protect his mate and his child. He did it for love. Just as Vejiita would do.  
  
He began to power up as he threw out a threat to Buu, smirking the entire time.   
  
And for the first time, he allowed her name to pass his lips.  
  
"Buruma," he whispered before darkness descended upon him and he knew no more.  
  
~~~  
  
AN: A great big thank you to Parker who gave me these lyrics for a songfic. Again, this is my first, so be gentle. I had never gone into the 'songfic' area before this, but when Parker sent me these, I actually wanted to do it! I think he had the right idea; they do remind me of Vejiita. A couple warnings... I don't know the song, or the band. And these lyrics reminded me of the whole Buu sacrifice thing. Again, thank you, Parker, for the lyrics, the idea, and the confidence that I'd write something decent for them. Hope I didn't disappoint. It's a bit sappier than I thought I'd get it.... *sigh* Don't kill me :P.  
  
Lovies! 


End file.
